big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
