Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
