Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
