all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
