there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Randomize
