better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
