quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
