you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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