My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
