I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
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