note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
