question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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