We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
