how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
