He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
