I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
