I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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