wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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