How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
