The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I believe in your delicious
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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