I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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