we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
