I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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