If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
