shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
