there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
3pm strippers are depressing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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