Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
