so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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