Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
