I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
