here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
