I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
