Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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