just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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