nut hugger
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
