sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
