If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
