i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
