After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
