Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
