who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
