So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
