My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
