Yo dont text me then not text me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
