brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
