Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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