That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize