You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
