Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
