and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Drunk is not a location!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
