1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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