Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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