is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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