were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize