sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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