Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
