So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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