I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
