we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
