i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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