Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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