I wish I could teleport
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Semen is not good for contacts.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
