I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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