Just took my morning after pill in the library
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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