I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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