my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
