Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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