Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize