Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
