You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
