dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
