I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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