I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
